Christmas is painful for Estranged Parents

to-the-heartbroken-this-christmas-225x300It’s a time of year we are meant to eat, drink, and love each other. But, for some of us it means spending Christmas alone, without our families.

Christmas is painful for estranged parents, our children have abandoned us…often it is for unknown reasons, and/or for reasons we don’t understand.

My estranged daughter will not let me see my two young Grandchildren. (ages 5 and 3)  I have never even met them.

I have no idea what she has told my Grandchildren, but I’m sure it is not good. The sad part is she only lives a few miles from me, but I can’t go see them. I’m at a loss as to what to do…  If I call, and my son-in-law answers, he will just tell me not to call them, so he is of no help. I’ve never met him either.

My daughter and I have problems that started in her teenage years. (as many parents experience)   I divorced her father when she was almost 4 years old, and my youngest daughter was just a newborn. After our divorce, I raised them by myself, with no help from their father.

My daughter’s father was not around when she was growing up. But now that she is grown, it seems as if they have a great relationship, and she holds no grudges against him.  I just can’t understand…

It is human nature to yearn for who, or what, is denied from your life. My only hope is that someday my Grandchildren will turn to me because I was the person who wasn’t allowed in their lives.

>>>>>>(And/or when they find out that the Snyder’s are NOT their Family)

My heart hurts so bad, and I feel so lost…especially at this time of the year. As I type this, the tears are flowing. My heart is broken…shattered into a million pieces.

broken-hearted

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13 thoughts on “Christmas is painful for Estranged Parents

  1. And then her children grew up and moved away. She couldn’t understand why she didn’t get to see her grandchildren much. The years drew them apart, she was alone. She thought of her mother that she once left, realizing the pain she had caused her all these years. She went to find her, but she was gone, moved on finally to a new happy life.
    Love and Blessings to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Research has shown that having grandparents in children’s lives is incredibly important, and I just can’t understand why a parent would deny a Grandmother’s love to her children. Children learn to treat their parents by how they treat their own parents.
    My heart goes out to you, and your Grandchildren.

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  3. Funny thing is, I bet your daughter feels she is the perfect parent without flaws. She sounds very selfish, and emotionally stunted. This is her way of being in control! But she will be the one that will confront God and Karma straight on. I hope her children leave her when they can, and never look back! She is sick!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Right on Jen! I totally agree with your comment. Sorry to say this Finnlynn, but your daughter is a sicko, and she will be paid back in spades from Karma, and the whole Universe!

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  5. This is the cruelest behavior a mother can do to her children, let alone her mother. I’m not sure how they think this is protecting their little children. All it shows is that their hatred towards their estranged parents is stronger than the love for their children.
    For those of us grandparents that had relationships with our grandchildren why would you want your children to have thoughts of being abandoned and not liked. Just cruel!
    It is abuse, and it is teaching them that it’s OK to just CUT people out of your life.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I hope your daughter will realize that one day her precious children will be inquisitive, and with the internet they can search for their maternal grandmother, and find her.
    Then your daughter might very well have to answer some serious questions as to why her children were denied a loving grandmother. This estrangement may some day back fire on your daughter, and she could be the estranged.
    Estrangement is not a good example.
    No one is given a manual on how to be the perfect mother. No one is perfect! I can read the pain in your post. I can see how much you love your daughter (unconditionally) and her unmet children. If you didn’t, you would not try so hard to reconcile.
    I would hope your daughter, her husband, and your ex, will find compassion in their hearts. Life really is too short to hold such a strong negative emotion.
    Please dear daughter consider love.

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  7. This is bad… I’m also estranged from my kid, but allowed to have contact with my Grandson. We both enjoy each other’s company. Grandparents are the roots of family.
    I remember mine fondly and relate many stories, to my grandson’s delight .
    I hope your daughter comes to her senses. Her attitude is cruel.
    In the mean time, a big hug to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The grandparent/grandchild relationship is like none other. It gives the child something very unique, ties to history, and family history. Children experience being rooted to their family in a deeper way when they know all their grandparents.
    I am so sorry that you are being denied your grandchildren right now. I know adult children have their story about their parents. However, I only hope that your daughter will reconsider.
    Maybe estranged adult children don’t realize that there is really no way to parent a child to adulthood without mistakes. It is so easy to hold on tight to perceived or real mistakes. However, a wise woman once said, parents do 1000 things right for every mistake we make. I know this to be true now.
    Maybe your daughter could someday find it in her heart to change focus and remember some of what you did right. Maybe she will see that the value/gifts of you having a relationship with your grandchildren will far out way the estrangement.
    I hope so. Life is really short, and time lost can never be recovered.
    One change of heart, one reconsideration, could change your lives.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. My father in law was rude, overbearing, and domineering with me and my husband. He was also a wonderful grandfather. I can’t imagine depriving my children of that relationship. We were mature enough to know that our children deserved to have loving grandparents in their lives, even if we weren’t close to them.
    Your daughter is a very selfish mother. She is also very short sighted. Does she not think about the example she is setting for her children? How does she expect them to treat her when she is older? The role model she has given them is to throw away your parents when they annoy you… and that day will surely come, as it does to all of us.
    I am very sorry for your pain, and I’m sorry for your grandchildren.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dear Daughter Of Finnlynn:
    This may get long, but please try to find the patience to read through to the end, if you read this blog. I read the other comments, and a lot of them are angry-sounding. Please understand that some of these comments are probably from people who love your mother, and may not really know you, so what you are seeing is defense of her, just as your friends would defend you.
    {{This comment has been continued on the post: “Dear Daughter of Finnlynn”}}

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Thank you for all your heartfelt thoughts. Taking the time to make a comment on my blog means more to me than you’ll ever know…
    With her permission, I’ve created a post out of the comment (above) made by Linda Huckaby, since it was too good to leave it as “just a comment”. Her incredible story shows both sides of estrangement.
    {{You can read her story on the post titled: “Dear Daughter of Finnlynn”}}

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  12. I think it helps to remember that the adult you are estranged from is not the little girl (or boy) you once nurtured.
    The adult that lives in my daughter’s name is a stranger. She has been a stranger since she was a teenager. She has developed her own lifestyle, her own likes & dislikes, of which I know very little about.
    She rages in anger over hurts I don’t understand, and in spite of years of beating myself up, I now know that I’m not responsible for the way she feels about me.
    It is impossible to make a stranger of the toddler you fed, clothed, hugged, and loved. When we look at them we don’t see the adult, we see the little girl (or boy) that they once were.
    She is a dream, a wisp of a dream, from decades past. I will miss my little girl until I die…

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