Estrangement: “A Living Hell”

The loss of a child changes you forever… It changes how you see yourself, how you feel about yourself, and your priorities. It changes your very life. 

You find yourself in a place you never expected to be. In a long dark tunnel, trapped in a never-ending nightmare…always wondering  “What went wrong?

To know that your child did this to you on purpose, that they removed themselves from your life to punish you for not being perfect, just adds an extra dimension of pain and suffering. And you begin to wonder if they enjoy seeing you suffer?

It is like a death, but with death you can think that it was fate, whether it was an illness, or an accident. However, with estrangement the message is “You’re not good enough for me to want to spend time with you, and therefore you’re not good enough to know your own Grandchildren.”

So not only do you lose your child & your Grandchildren, but you also lose your inner confidence in the world that always believed in “Blood is thicker than water” and “Love conquers all”.

Why? Because your love wasn’t good enough to create a lasting bond? Your love wasn’t enough to reach beyond error to deserve forgiveness? Your love wasn’t enough to create the kind of people that stick by you when “The going gets tough”.

Worry then comes into your life. Worry that maybe you’re not good enough to be loved, and that you are unlovable. Worry that maybe you really aren’t as good of a person as you thought you were.

With rejection, fear is also allowed in the door; fear that you really aren’t good enough. Fear that your best was flawed in some way. 

Rejection destroys your self-confidence, right down to the very core of “Who you are”

Rejection is the most evil and wicked of all weapons. For it leaves the body alive, but destroys the soul, the spirit, and sends your emotions into a tailspin. It leaves the victim battling for survival. Each day becomes a battle to re-establish self-worth.

Every day starts with willing yourself just to get out of bed,rsz_cabinbedroomjune2012 to take another step, and you do it alone. Because the people who are supposed to be there for you when your spirit is broken, “your family“, are the very ones that broke you in the first place.


*Please note* The YouTube video & photos used in this post are mine. Also, some of the words are my own, but most are quotes from the blog article entitled “Estrangement” by Renate Dundys Marrello

To Read more of Renate Dundys Marrello’s blog CLICK on the link below:


7 thoughts on “Estrangement: “A Living Hell”

  1. We all deserve better. It’s ironic, we love our children unconditionally, but they only peck on our faults. Why? Maybe it’s not us, maybe our children’s brains are wired differently?
    Maybe they don’t know how to bond & receive love. How to receive love is a special gift. In an age of instant communication our children have learnt the three D’s. Discard, Delete & Disconnect. We are humans, we are not computers, & we have feelings.
    You will connect with your child.
    She has robbed you of your trust. It is time to start thinking of yourself. You own your day, make this a happy one.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your pain is real finnlynn. I’m feel sorry for what you’re going thru. It’s wonderful that you can express yourself and receive feedback and support via the web. Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sorry for your pain, and I know it too well, too. Estrangement of parents by adult children is a quickly growing phenomenon all over the world. If you have hope of reconciling, you might google Dr. Joshua Coleman. He is a Ph.D. psychologist in the bay area in California who works with parents suffering estrangement by their children. He helps them reconcile whenever possible. Unfortunately, it is not always possible, but his own daughter estranged him for five years, so he knows estrangement well. Blessings to you and Renate, both.

    Liked by 1 person

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