Hey, I didn’t exactly have perfect parents. But, in retrospect, I know they did the best they could.
To me, unless there was outright physical abuse, or emotional cruelty (and let’s define emotional cruelty using non-drama-queen criteria please!) a person who hasn’t gotten over all that “I hate my parents” melodrama by the time they’re 25 are too self-absorbed to be in any relationship. It means that they can’t let go of whatever slight or petty thing their parents said, or did, while on the “hamster wheel” of dealing with life while raising kids. (in my case as a divorced single mother)
Or, it could mean that the person in question is a toxic individual who is incapable of being forgiving towards the parent who fed, clothed, housed, drove them to doctor & dentist appointments, helped them with their homework, attended every school band concert, nursed them through the flu, gave them spending money…Ad infinitum.
The way you treat your parent(s) is a hate crime against your own children and those of generations to follow you. Your children have a right to know where and who they came from, and to know their Grandparents.
The lies you tell yourself about your estranged parent(s) will become a false reality that will only get worse as time goes on. Because the truth has a way of coming out no matter how much you try to deny it.
Unless there was outright abuse, I have the utmost contempt for adult children who can’t say a civil word to their parent(s). It shows an ungrateful heart, low-empathy, and a total lack of maturity.
They are stuck in the past because they didn’t completely grow up…preferring to live in a fantasy world of their own creation. And they don’t seem to realize that their estranged parent isn’t the same person they once were…and that no one can change the past.